All of the men I work with are adorable, but none of them are perfect. If I could pick them apart and reassemble them in a whole new mixture, it would look something like this:
RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT HK MAN
CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees
1 tbsp Patrick Reina’s adorability
1 ¼ tbsp Jermaine Wilson’s sincerity
2 tsp Mike Odair’s witty comebacks
1 cup of Tim Eagan’s cocky charm
A dash of Raymond Hammond’s naivety
1 cup of Philip Carter’s dependability
5 cups Kenny Rosen’s money
Mix together in a large bowl all ingredients except for Tim Eagan’s cocky charm. Once mixture has reached a creamy consistency, fold in Tim Eagan’s cocky charm in small increments and taste to make sure the mixture doesn’t become overwhelming.
Pour mixture into a greased 9x9 baking pan and put in center of stove for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.
3 cups Mike Espinosa’s body
1 ½ cups Mike Espinosa’s face
1 cup Charlie Van Vleet’s height
A dash of Charlie Van Vleet’s dimples
2 cups Jesse Russell’s style
A pinch of Tim Eagan’s man scent
3 tbsp Jerry Streeter’s 5 o’clock shadow
Mix all ingredients together until consistency is thick enough to spread.
Once cake is baked and cooled, smother it with every last drop of the frosting mixture, ensuring that you don’t miss a single inch of the cake.
Eat and Enjoy!
Now THAT is a perfect mancake.